Cry For Me
by She-Poe
Summary: I wish I could have stayed/To wake you in the morn'/I wish I could have been there/To always keep you warm/I don't want to forget/The supposed love we had/So cry for me my love/ But please love don't be sad. from Ch9
1. When I am Gone Part One

Mkay, here is the first of a series of oneshots that I write during school. Soo, without further ado, I give you 18.11.09; "Cry for Me"

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She never felt the pain, only cold. She didn't know what had happened. The last think Katara's eyes saw was a blinding blue light; and now they opened to see her mother's face. "Mom?" she asked, her head spinning. The woman over her nodded, a smile on her lips. "You're alive?" Kya's mouth dropped into a frown as she shook her head slowly. Sitting up, Katara said; "So, I'm in the spirit world,then?" A nod. "How do I get back?" A shake. "But, mom, I have to go home! I'm not…I can't be…" Katara welcomed her mother's embrace for the first time in years. How she had missed her mother, and if under any other circumstance, she would be so excited to see her again. They withdrew from one another as another familiar face appeared behind Kya.

"Hello, sister," Yue's silky voice said. Her hands were folded carefully in front of her. The pink fabric of the moon spirit's dress layered gracefully as she knelt down beside her old friend. Katara could see the pain and hurt in those silvery blue eyes. "You were asleep for quite a long time. Many things have changed in the human world while you were gone." Yue smiled. "But don't fret. It is all for the better. Sokka has returned to your home, he and your father are still grieving. Aang has gone to live with Toph. In the time since your death, they have grown very close."

"Zuko, is he alright?"

"He tried to save you. He really did. Oh, dear sister, he would have given his life for you. After Azula shot you, he was thrown into a deep despair, anger fueled his actions. And though he could not bring himself to kill his sister…" Yue stopped and sighed briefly, eyes cast down. "Azula's soul is a lost one. Zuko could not kill his sister, but during that battle her soul left her. She lost herself." With a happy laugh, the moon spirit brought her eyes back to Katara's face. "Your friend is the Firelord now. He is trying so very hard to make right all of the damages his ancestors have caused. There is so much more to tell, but before I can continue, there is someone you must see."

"How long have I been… here?"

"A season. Now come with me, sister, this person is someone who is very important to you. When I passed I chose to watch over Sokka. I'm the one who reunited him with Suki, he deserved to be happy. Your heart chose this person, because you felt a connection to him." Yue stood up and held out a hand to Katara. As she rose, Katara realized that her old blue tunic was gone; and in its place was a beautiful glowing gown. On her wrist was a bracelet of flowers; her hair was partly gathered on top of her head and the rest was lying flatly down her back. Then Katara took a quiet look around her. She was in the same court yard that she was killed in. Confused, she felt as if she should cry, but the tears only clung to her eyelashes.

Yue lead Katara into the palace. It was beautiful Katara thought. There were portraits on the walls, ones of past Firelords and Ladies and their families. There were guards at one door in particular: the Firelord's room. Katara looked from the guards' blank faces to Yue. "They do not see us." She said. With a gesture of her hand, Yue whispered, "Go." A little unsure, Katara walked into the room, through the closed door.

Zuko sat on the edge of his bed, a hand on his forehead and a small piece of paper in the other. As Katara neared him, she could hear his uneven breath. The muscles in his jaw tensed visibly. Water droplet's splashed rhythmically on the tiled floor. When she was in front of the Firelord, the girl's spirit fell to her knees. Katara reached out a pale hand and touched the puddle on the floor. It went through the water and rested on the floor; as she did so, another drop fell and went straight through her hand, splashing into the puddle. It was then she realized that she was dead. She would never be able to bear this boy's child, never touch his skin, and never kiss his lips.

"I am so sorry," Zuko's shaking voice whispered. "It was all my fault."

Katara's blue eyes shot to his pained face. Tears were falling from both of his eyes, past the paper in his hands and into the puddle between them. Zuko reached his arm over to place the paper on the maroon bed spread. From the corner of her eye, Katara saw that it was a small portrait of herself. "Zuko," she whispered. Now icy diamonds fell from her eyes.

"You died because of me."

"No! I didn't!" Katara gasped through sobs.

"You died thinking I hated you; you died hating me."

"No, NO!" Katara wrapped her translucent arms around her stomach. How could she be dead and yet feel so much pain?

"Worst of all," the boy started. "You died not knowing that I though you were beautiful. Or," his voice cracked. "That I loved you." Katara's mouth fell open in a silent agonizing scream.

"Come, Katara," Yue said gently.

"No, Yue! You don't understand! I- I loved him too!" Katara sobbed painfully as she bent over, her long hair resting on the floor. The moon spirit sat on he knees beside her crying Sister.

"As did I love your brother. It hurts now, yes, but the pain will stop, I promise." Katara bit her lip to stop the flow of tears that were now fallinf from her eyes as if they were rain clouds. Her legs felt like water as she stood up. There must be some way… Katara thought as she followed Yue out of the room. "I did find away to ease his mind."

Their dresses dragged on the dirt as they crossed the garden. To her surprise, there were multiple Spirits, like herself, roaming the royal gardens. "They stay here because they cannot join us in the sky. What we see as a leisure, they find a curse." Katara looked around the garden; the spirits of thin, ail past Firelords and Ladies , the ones, Katara thought, that had done evil.

TBC!

Will Katara find a way to see Zuko, and for him to see her? Find out tomorrow!


	2. When I am Gone Part Two

Cry for Me installment #2; 19.11.09

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"How did you do it, Yue?" Katara asked once they had rejoined Kya in the clouds. The three women sat around a table decorated with a silk table cloth and white flower petals. The whole set up, Katara thought, looked like something from a wedding in Firenation. Candles glowed in the center of the table cheerfully. It was strange: when they walked among the living, they were translucent; but when they were up in the clouds, it was like they were alive again in that they were solid. Katara's eyes looked at Yue harshly.

"Our worlds connect through dreams. When the living's minds are free to cross over to our world, we are permitted to cross into theirs. That is the only time they can see us. That we can talk to them, touch them. Sadly, as you may remember, the living don't always remember their dreams. And we are forgotten. But once in a blue… me," she laughed silkily at her own joke. "They will remember. And their minds will be at peace."

"You went to Sokka, didn't you?" Yue nodded. "And mom, you went to dad? And Sokka, and myself?" Kya nodded. "Mother?" Katara asked, her eye brows drawn in. "Why do you not speak?"

"When your mother passed, she was torn. She knew she was dying and wanted to stay with you badly. But she also had to come here. Her voice, it was lost. And maybe it will find its way here."

"Sorry." Katara looked at her hands folded neatly on the table. He mother's face was illuminated by the candles. A warm hand was placed on top of Katara's own two. Her eyes met the ones from which they were modeled. Those eyes were smiling sadly into Katara's own eyes. "So, what you are saying is, in a dream, I can be with someone I love?"

"Mhm." Yue looked into one of the candles. "Oh, it's time for me to go. I will rejoin you in the morning." With a smile, the moon spirit walked off past the clouds and disappeared behind the mist.

* * *

After Yue had left them, Katara snuck back into the palace. She fell to her knees, watching him. Though it pained her, she forced herself to look on. He held her portrait in his hands sadly and placed it in front of two candles that, Katara had noticed, were always burning but never melting. Zuko pulled the thin blanket over himself and closed his eyes. Once she heard his breathing slow down, she stood up from her place on the floor and quietly walked over to him. Still unsure of herself, Katara breathed deeply and looked at his sleeping face for a moment before closing her eyes and gently pressing her lips to his. A silent ghost of a tear fell from her eye and splashed on his face.

With her eyes still closed, she straightened her back and pulled away from him. "That wasn't hard," she whispered to herself. "Why did you wait until you were dead to do that?" Sadly, she opened her eyes, but not to the dim light of Zuko's bedroom. A bright sun shone above her, floating in a silky blue sky. The ground around her was carpeted in knee high wild flowers. Red-orange firelillies and black and white pandalillies sprang up all around her. She turned her head around, confused, in every direction. She looked down at her hands; they were solid. With a smile on her face, Katara fell to her knees and picked a flower from the ground. She held it to her nose and inhaled deeply, expecting it to smell beautifully. Shocked, she pulled it away from her face: the flower had no smell. None at all.

"I've tried," a familiar voice said behind her. "To smell them I mean. They are peculiar that way. I've never known a flower without a smell." Katara rose to her feet, still clutching the scentless flower in her palm. "You," he said, his gold eyes gleaming under his black hair.

"You," Katara echoed. For a moment she was mystified, and then she felt silly. Of course he would be here, it was his dream. Her eyes looked him up and down, he wasn't dressed like he usually would. He was wearing a white shirt, the like of which, Katara thought, pirates would wear. And black pants that were tucked into his boots. His face had an expression that Katara had never seen on him… it was a mixture of confusion and joy and frustration and disbelief. Hesitantly, she moved closer to him, the flowers at her feet bowing low, and then springing upright after she had stepped off of them. As she came closer, he stepped back almost timidly.

"You're dead," he said quietly, giving an excuse for backing away from her. She could hear his breath as he whispered, "I watched you die. I heard you scream. I saw the light go out of your eyes." Katara held out a hand shyly, reaching out to touch his arm. He didn't feel warm or cold. But he was solid, and she could touch him. Zuko shook his head, as if they were both still alive, and she had touched his arm in front of Aang and Mai. "You're not real, are you?"

"No. But I'm here. And you need to know that I loved you. But I was too afraid to say it. And now…"She laughed sadly. "I have nothing to lose." They both stopped moving, and looked into each other's eyes. "Please. Remember me." Katara's hand shot up to her neck and untied her necklace. She grabbed Zuko's hand and closed his fingers around the ribbon. Then, something strange happened. Zuko's eyes began to water, and he bent down and pressed his lips to hers. When he pulled away, Katara wiped the water from his face, her hand lingering gently on his scar. "Don't cry any more. Please."

As she drew her hand away from his face, she noticed it was translucent. Frantic, she looked at her other hand, and her arms and legs. They were all disappearing. Zuko was looking at her, seemingly lost. "Don't go," he said, trying to grab her arm, but his hand went right through.

"You're waking up," she said, almost in a daze. "I'll always be here for you!" And then she was gone.

Zuko blinked against morning light that flooded into the room through the window. Angrily, he sat up and rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes. Something icy stung his left palm. He opened his hand and looked, bewildered, at Katara's necklace. It had been frosted over, like someone had left it outside at the turn of the season from fall to winter. He hadn't had this before. She had been taken back to the Southern Water Tribe with it snugly around her neck. As he stared at the pendant, he remembered. Everything.

"_Please. Remember me." Katara's hand shot up to her neck and untied her necklace. She grabbed Zuko's hand and closed his fingers around the ribbon. _"It was just a dream." His eyes drifted to her picture lying below the burning candles on his night stand. Her faint smile was enough to make him believe that Katara had given this to him. And he wouldn't cry anymore. She didn't want him to.

* * *

"Will you be okay?" Yue asked, leaning on the windowsill beside Katara. She had been watching him all day.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. I just need some time, that's all." Katara didn't remove her gaze from Zuko. He had been in the garden for most of the afternoon, just sitting under the big tree by the pond. He turned her necklace over in his hands, trying to find out why it had not thawed out by now. Giving up, she watched as he tied it around his wrist.

"Just like old times," he whispered with a smirk.

"Exactly like old times," Katara agreed. "Exactly."


	3. When I am Hurt

**When I am Hurt**

Everything was black. She could see nothing, but could feel that her wrists bled from the ropes tied tightly around them. Her heart beat faster and faster in fear. All of a sudden, that man's face was in front of her, and she screamed.

Katara woke in a cold sweat, her eyes darting around the campsite. She had been back for a week now, and hadn't said a word. She hadn't told them what they had done to her, or how she couldn't possibly be looked upon the same way. Now, she pushed her sleeping bag from her shoulders and walked away from the rest of her friends. Things were now a blur as she fell to her knees just beyond the threshold of a thin forest. Her mind kept reliving those days when she was tied up and silent. The moment that that man had touched her skin, she shut her mouth and had not opened it since. She would not pleasure him with her tears.

Her breath came shallow and quick against the cool, damp air. Her hands absently rubbed the red scars on the backs of her wrists. A pain spread through her stomach as she though again of how different she was compared to the others.

"I know what they have done to you," a quiet voice said gently. Startled, Katara pushed herself up off of the grass and turned around quickly to face the boy behind her. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second as she saw his black hair and the red scar that spread over his left eye. "They were wrong. Please," he extended a hand to her, but didn't step closer. "Please talk to me. Two words, thats all." Zuko's face was different than Katara had ever seen. His eyes were wide, his mouth was slightly open, waiting for her to say something. "Please," he added with a little smile. "I miss you yelling at me."

Katara waited. She looked at his face for what felt like hours. Under her gaze, Zuko dropped his hand back to his side, feeling defeted. Just as he was about to turn around and leave, she stepped toward him. She placed both hands on his chest carefully and stood on her toes. Timidly, she whispered into his ear; "It... hurt..." With her hands still lightly on his shirt, she stepped back a little, to study his face. His eyes were looking her up and down and came to a sudden stop as they met hers. Tears hung in the corner of her eyes, unwilling to fall. The silece that hung in the air stung her ears painfully. Zuko reached out to touch her face. As his skin made contact with hers she recoiled a bit, but allowed him to comfort her. Quietly, he pulled her toward him, hugging her tightly. And for the first time in weeks, Katara allowed herself to cry, within the unlikely comfort of the one person she thought she hated. "They raped me. Over. and over. and over again. And I couldn't get them to stop."

Then, Zuko placed one hand on either side of Katara's face and made her look him in the eyes. "If anyone," he said through clenched teeth. "Ever hurts you again, I swear to god that I will kill them." As he spoke, Katara noticed something on his scar. It was a tiny droplette of water, clinging to the red skin. It intrigued her, that water. Had it been raining? Surely it hadn't. Almost without thinking, she held up a hand and brushed the water away. Zuko jumped as she touched his scar, letting go of her face. "Katara?" he asked as he watched her face soften. "I'm so sorry."

"Please, Zuko. You can't tell anybody about this. Sokka... he wouldn't understand. And Aang... well... he wouldn't get it either."

"Your secret's safe with me."

"Thank you. So much."

* * *

Awe, now wasn't that just sweet? lol! well, tell me what you think! Guess what! I learned how to make a person drowning! ....\o/.... aint that cool? and this is micheal phelps! - ''''''''''OK'''''''''' (Turn your head to the side, its Micheal Phelps. I swear.)


	4. When I am Hurt Parts II and III

Okay, you wanted a part two... you got it! PS... listen to Never Gonna Be Alone by Nickelback and Desprate by David Archuleta... its like they read my mind! PLEASE NOTE!!! Part three is just like a really suckish retelling of the finale, changed just slightly to fit the story. You don't have to read it.

**When I am Hurt**

(Part II and III)

"Is there anything else I could do for you? I mean- is there any other way I can help you?" Zuko asked, his hands carefully on her shoulders. He felt her body tense, then relax, almost as if she was trying to clear her mind.

After a moment, she spoke up quietly. "Stay with me. I just want you to be with me right now." A chill set in around them, clinging to their clothes. Katara allowed herself to fall back into his arms, welcoming his warmth. "thank you..." she whispered, her eyes closing. Zuko tightened his arms around her, realizing that she had waited so long to tell anybody how those people had hurt her. If he had known, he would have ran faster and fought harder to find her. It had taken a full week for him to locate the ban of marauders that had kidnapped her during the new moon. That was a full week that they had disrespected her, that they forced her to do things that she didn't want. The moment he had found her, he should have known something was wrong. There had been scratches on her face and arms, bruises on her neck that she had tried desprately to cover. But the strangest thing she did when he found her, was she gasped. She didn't say a word or even look disappointed that it was him and not Aang there to save her. Her eyes had filled with hope for a split second, shimmering lightly, but then they lost it. They lost the emotion that defined Katara. That was what should have worried him. "I just feel so cold and alone and like nobody could ever understand..." She picked her head up from his shoulder, but was unable to look into his eyes again.

Before he could stop himself, Zuko bowed his head to her ear. "You will never be alone," he whispered. Katara jumped as he spoke to her, not expecting his breath on her ear. As he came away, his lips brushed over her cheek innocently. But as innocent as it was, it sent electricity through both of them. Zuko only looked at her, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. That worry was soon forgotten as he leaned toward her. Katara mumbled something, her eyelids feeling heavy. "What?" the fire prince asked, freezing.

Katara's eyes flickered up to his, and after a while of silence, she said again, louder; "I wish it would have been you." Then she finished what Zuko started, kissing his lips decidedly. His hands moved to her face, and hers grasped his shirt, curling tightly around the cloth. "I wanted it to be you. Always, no matter how much I told myself I hated you... no matter how much I wanted to love Aang. I've always wanted it to be you. But some pirate took that away. And his face will never leave me. What he did, I'll haunt me until the day I die." Katara sank to her knees, feeling defeted. Her mind went blank, and she cried. There was nothing anymore. The nights that she laid awake in her dark cell were over, but what happened there would stay forever. She knew she would never be able to go into a relationship pure. "The one thing I ever wanted for myself!"

Zuko came to his knees beside her, pulling her to him and letting her cry on his shoulder. why couldn't he speak? He had opened his mouth too console her several times, only to close it again. "I'm here." he finally muttered into her hair. And he kept saying it over and over, running a hand up and down her back. "I'll be here until you don't hurt anymore."

"You're the only one that could stop the hurt." The girl raised her head, trying to address him. Without words, he kissed her again. A spark shot through them suddenly- a burst of white hot energy, burning both of them worse than any flame could. They pulled closer to each other, both out of breath yet still wanting more. "No," Katara mumbled, pulling away from him. She moved away from him in the grass, just enough to keep him from kissing her again. "I- I can't do that to you." Then added quietly, "You deserve better."

"It was rape, Katara. You didn't have a choice. You have to know this wasn't your fault... Katara, you do know it wasn't your fault, don't you?" Zuko's face slackened. As he reached out to touch her, she recoiled into a ball.

"I hate that I'm saying this... I hate that I felt it or thought it or... I hate myself! After the first couple times- it didn't hurt as much... oh god! I- I am so ashamed of myself! I don't deserve you, I don't deserve your love or your hate. I'm just a piece of dross!"

"You are not garbage! You didn't have a choice. You could have screamed and yelled and they wouldn't have stopped... Katara. You don't think you're-"

"No! I know for a fact that I'm not pregnant." She saw him nod from the corner of her eye. "Thats another thing. I don't want to take that chance until this war is over. Until after the comet comes. It wouldn't be fair."

"What if one of us doesn't come back?"

Katara looked away from him painfully, biting her lip as she squinted her eyes closed. "That won't happen." She heard herself say the words, but she knew it wasn't true. The battlefeild saw no difference between a man and a woman, a life lost was a life lost. Especially in these times. She thought of how many children had died of starvation or disease and shivered. Along their journey that had seen many sad things- but the one that had hit Katara the hardest was the river village that had been waiting for the Painted Lady. She remembered going against everyone of her brother's rules, just trying to help out these strangers. And for what? They had gotten angry at her for pretending to be their hero. Hesitantly, Katara turned her head to him. "Its a difficult decision. I know what its like to lose your purity to someone you don't love. And I can't do that to you."

"I love you, I've loved you all along. I was just too stupid to say anything. I was afraid to lose you even when I knew you weren't mine. And having said that, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. I will never force anyt-" the last word was muffled by Katara's lips. His eyes closed as he spread his hands over her back. He felt the belt around his waste loosen and two cool hands over his stomach. He fumbled with her sash, untying it easily. Her robe fell open, just barely covering her chest. It frightened her how gentle he was; the tips of his fingers lightly tracing over her skin. She had never been treated kindly while being with a man. But Zuko respected her completely, which was shocking in itself. But that he was just as timid and afraid as she was, rather than being forceful and hurting her brought tears of joy to her eyes. "Are you alright?" Zuko asked, wiping away her tears.

"I'm okay," Katara whispered, kissing his lips slowly. "But, can you promise me one thing? What you said before, about one of us not coming back, swear to me that you'll come back."

"I'm not the only one in danger. You have to come away too."

"You know I will."

"Any regrets?" Zuko asked, moving off of her and laying down on the grass.

"None. You?" Katara rested her head on his shoulder, her breath traveling over his skin.

"Never."

_**---Part III---**_

It was a sterling suprise to Katara when Zuko asked her to accompany him to defete Azula. They hadn't spoken much since finding her mother's killer. Now, they were alone on Appa's back and had a few moments to speak with each other before arriving at the palace. "What we talked about that night," Katara started shakily, her hands grasping Appa's fur tightly. "You have to be careful. Now that I... _know _you, I can't lose you. We have to stick together--" Breaking off suddenly, she put a hand over her stomach and cringed.

"You haven't been feeling well lately, have you?" Zuko asked, reaching out to her.

Exhaling carefully, Katara assured him that she was fine. "It happens sometimes," she confided. "Listen, before we do this... kiss me." Zuko brushed her hair away from her face, his hands brushing over her face. Still very unsure of what to do, Katara tilted her head toward him. She felt his lips pressing on her own. The kiss lingered a little longer than what either of them had expected. The girl pulled away smoothly, then jerked back in pain.

"You're not well." Zuko said firmly, trying to get Katara to lay back. "You shouldn't fight. Not like this. I won't let you."

"I have to Zuko! I- ow!"

"Katara, I won't let you get hurt!"

"I'm fine, I just pulled a muscle or something. Its no big deal." She touched his arm reassuringly.

Appa landed loudly, drawing Azula's attention upward. Katara and Zuko jumped down from Appa's back, and stood infront of the almost-Firelord (Lady? Idk, that always did confuse me.). "Sorry, but you're not gonna become firelord today... I am." Zuko said defiantly.

"Oh, Zuzu!" Azula laughed. "I see you've brought your girlfriend with you." Katara could feel Azula's eyes scan over her quickly. Then a smirk played on the girl's lips as she continued; "Wow. I didn't think you had it in you. Well, now its in her, so it hardly matters. Its rather sad though. I mean, for the poor child to die before its even born..."

Katara saw Zuko's eyes widen, she was sure, the same way her own did. "You don't know what you're talking about, Azula."

Again, the evil girl laughed. "Don't I? Its an easy thing to tell. Her hands are swollen, but just barely; her eyes look tired, but still have that funny little twinkle in them; but most of all... her skin is so... pink. Tell me, did you eat Harisao berries after sleeping with my brother? If not I can almost promise you that you're with child." Katara placed both hands over her abdomen. Her eyes met Zuko's for just a second, screaming to him to make her stop.

"Leave her alone!" Zuko screamed, bending fire angrily at his sister. "Katara," he directed her, "Get back!"

Bending water from her water skin, Katara did the opposite and stepped beside him. "No."

"Do it!"

"Why?"

"You have to be safe. For... for our baby." at his words, Katara started to cry. It was real. This was real. She had slept with this man and now she was pregnant with his child and all of their lives were in danger. "Get. Back."

After that, everything happened so fast. There was fire and heat. Then the unthinkable happened. Azula's evil eyes narrowed on Katara, another one of her smirks pulled at her face. Just as the blue lightning left her fingers, Zuko jumped between the attacker and the target, a single word escaping from his lips. Katara watched in horror as he fell to the ground, his body twitching. "ZUKO!"

It was like a game of cat and mouse, Katara decided. Which was which, she couldn't tell. The water she bent at Azula was instantly vaporized by her blue fire. "Ooh!" Azula squeaked once. "Steambabies!"

"Stop!" Katara hissed, her face covered with tears. "Stop it!" Their elements clashed violently. Katara fought blindly, just trying to stop Azula. She didn't notice when a giant shard of ice peirced throught Azula's chest; all she knew was that the fire had stopped, and she had to help Zuko. Her hands shook as she turned him over onto his back; and even more violently when she laid them on his stomach, trying to heal the damage Azula had done. Her heart stopped as his restarted.

"Thank you..." he whispered painfully.

"If you ever do anything that stupid again, I'll save you so that I can kill you myself. You know that right?"

"Azula?" Zuko asked, trying to sit up. Katara hooked her arm through his to help him up. "She's dead." Katara replied gravely.

"Do you think what she said was true, about you being...?"

"It makes sence. I was late and, being young I thought it was normal. But, now that she said that, it makes a lot more sence. I'm sorry. I really am."

"Why? For giving me a family?"

"No, because my brother, Aang, and my dad will have to form a line to kill you."

_**&*&*&*&*&***_

Hm? Hm? Everything you hoped and dreamed? Not so much? Start typing my other ones? LeMmE kNoW! pLeAsE!


	5. And Our Firelily

**And Our FireLilly**

_I've heard the story of my birth many times. It always starts the same, and it always ends the same. But the details in the middle are different. Everybody always tells me different tales of how I came into the world. Often times, the same person can change the story each time its told. It seems that nobody but my father can tell the same story twice. Despite all the versions I have been told, I can only truly trust what he says. _

_He tells me that my mother went into labor in the dead of night. That she grabbed his arm tightly, waking him from his dreams. He knew by her face that something was wrong. It wasn't nearly time for me to come, maybe that's why things didn't work out. My dad says that the midwives made him leave the room at first, but quickly called him back inside. "I had always been there for your mother," he says. "But in those minutes that I couldn't be with her, I was so frightened. I thought that I would lose her." That was when he would hide his face from me. But I always knew that there were tears in his eyes. He'd held my mother's hand so tightly that their knuckles went white. They heard me cry and both relaxed, but my mother relaxed a little too much._

_"I want to name her Lily," My mother whispered, her grip on my father's hand weakening._

_My father's fears were coming true. He realized this then and fought back tears. He forced a smile. "Like the Firelilies."_

_"She'll be our firelily," slowly, my mother's eyes started to close. "Tell her I didn't want it to be like this. That I never wanted to leave her. And please remember, that I will always love both of you, Zuko." Her hand felt limp in my father's._

_"Katara, please. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to Lily." My father begged, but my mother was silent, and she was gone. Because of me. _

_Its fair to say that I'm a murderer. Its fair to say that I killed the first waterbending Firelady that this world has ever had. I killed my mother. I _killed _her._

_***&*&*&*&**_

"Hey Waterlily!" Sheng said brightly, sitting down beside me in the palace gardens.

I rolled my blue eyes at him. I often take pride in my eyes, because they are just like my mother's. "You know you're not supposed to be here." Its not that I didn't want him with me; I actually enjoyed Sheng's company very much. He was the only true friend I had ever had, dispite our different classes. I never minded that he was a farm boy, and he never minded that I was a princess.

"Well, I got special permission. It is your birthday, after all." He smiled, pulling a present from behind his back. I gave him a smile of my own and scolded him for spending his money on me. "Oh come on, Waterlily. I've bought you a present for your birthday every year since you were three and I was five. Why stop now, miss sweet sixteen?" I took the wrapped box from him and looked it over carefully. Was I really sixteen already? "Go on, open it."

My fingers ripped through the paper as if I was a toddler. The box was small and dark; it looked far too expensive to be something extemporaneous. I glanced at him carefully, the smile still remained on his lips. As I lifted the lid from the box, what was inside caught the light sharply. A brilliant stone shone in the sunlight. It was connected to a dark blue ribbon and looked so familiar. Thats when I realized what it was. "Where did you get this?" His face became blurred beyond recognition. "Sheng, where did you get this?"

"Don't cry, Lily." He gathered me up in his arms. He was warm and his embrace comforting. How did he have my mother's necklace? It was one of the only things that she had left me. That and her old waterskin from when she was a kid. "Please, Waterlily. You know I hate it when you cry." It was true, he always did everything he could to keep me from crying. There was usually one day a year that I cried: my birthday. On the plus side, every year I had someone to console me. Sheng understood my pain; he had lost his father when he was young. Illness had spread all over the Firenation when he was about eight years old, taking many lives. I remember the day that he came over to the palace with tears in his eyes. I saw him approaching through my bedroom window and rushed down the stairs to greet him. My feet barely even touched the stairs in excitement. All my excitement had drained the moment I saw his face, red and puffy. Without uttering a word, I pushed the maid to the side, rather rudely, and embraced my friend. He told me the awful news about his father, and I was there to comfort him. But now he was the one holding me, whispering to me that it would all be alright. "Your father let me clean it up. He says he'd trust me with it."

"He must like you," I joked quietly. "My father doesn't trust too many people."

"Here," Sheng said, opening his hand for me to give him my mother's necklace. I dropped it carefully into his palm, not wanting to let it go. He wrapped the ribbon around my neck lightly as I lifted my black hair (like my father's). Once the necklace was secured around my neck, I turned back to Sheng, thanking him repeatedly. The strangest feeling settled over me as I sat under Sheng's gaze. I'm not sure why, but I knew I had to do something. I owned something very special, and I wanted him and only him to have it. With closed eyes, I kissed him shakily on the lips. What had taken me so long to realize that the one who I was truely meant to be with was right in front of me the whole time? How could I have been so naive? All these years, he was always the one there for me. He'd been there for everything. How could I only be seeing this now? When I pulled away, his eyes were full of confusion, but at the same time a happiness. Forever, my first kiss would belong to him. And how I wished for my last kiss to belong to him too. "Waterlily." He breathed.

"Please, just hold me, okay?" I fell into his arms again, thankful that I had someone like him.

_***&*&*&*&**_

Zuko watched his daughter from a distance, hiding in the shadows. He knew this day would come. The day when his little girl would find someone special. When she was with Sheng, there was a sparkle in her eye, so much like the one her mother had. Silently, he prayed to Katara that things would be better for Lily than they were for him. She had already gone through the trauma of losing her mother. She needn't hurt her heart with phoney love like he and her mother had done with Mai and Aang. No, what his daughter had was almost the mirror image of what Zuko and Katara had had. Maybe Lily would be able to break the trend of motherless children in her family. The spirits weren't that cruel; they wouldn't take away both his wife and daughter. Things just didn't happen that way.

Once again, as he did every year, Zuko placed a rose over Katara's grave, said a prayer for her, and walked back inside the palace. Why break tradition?

_***&*&*&*&**_

Hi kids! mkay, this may sound like a part four to When I am Hurt. Its **not**. Most of these aren't connected unless they have a Part I/ Part II ect.

This is my second try at a first person FF; I know its suckish. I bash my own writing a lot. Like A LOT! So, if you disagree with me and loved it, then click the little _**review**_ button and tell me so.

See you on the flip side!

~She Poe


	6. Because We Can't

Some people were starting to get kinda depressed, so here's a mushy/ kinda comedic chapter. I tried my best. I'm not the greatest at writing mushy shet, so... here goes:

**Because We Can't**

Most people ran from the rain, but not her. She stood in the open with her hands stretched up to the sky. Her mouth open in laughter, she danced in the falling rain. The water sprayed up from the ground, splattering dirt and mud on her bare feet and legs. The whole thing was rather soothing. It was nice to have something to blame the water streaking down her face on. Fate was such a cruel thing.

The rain was falling so hard that it created a white mist everywhere. Everyone was huddled safely inside the mouth of the cave but one person. Aang's worrying never ceased, but Sokka's didn't even start. "She'll be fine," he had assured everyone. "As long as we can hear her, she's fine." But Aang was still unsure. He kept begging Sokka to go find her; he couldn't see her. "She is alright, Aang." Sokka said, annoyance growing more apparent in his voice. Toph sat with her legs crossed on the floor. She, too, tried to convince the young monk that Sugar Queen was okay; and if he was so worried about her, he should go looking for her.

"I don't like the rain," was Aang's lame excuse.

"Are you serious?" Zuko asked, finally breaking his silence. All eyes, even the blind pair, fell on the raven haired teen. "Aang, you're so..." Childish? his mind finished silently. Reminding himself that the Avatar was only twelve, he offered a solution to his worries. "I'll go find her." A heavy sigh came from his lips as he stood up and faced the entrance of the cave. _She's crazy_! Zuko thought, stepping outside to find her. Almost instantly, he was soaked. His black hair stuck to his forehead annoyingly, angering him.

The drops fell angrily and landed in a great roar. "Katara?" Zuko called, holding his arms above his head in a failed attempt to keep somewhat dry. Through the mist and roar, he heard her laugh. It was magical; enchanting. And it drew him closer. His eyes widened as he came upon her. Her hair was flung out behind her as she spun around in circles. It seemed as if he had watched her for hours before finding his voice. "Katara, you need to come inside and get dried off."

"Dance with me!" She laughed, throwing her arms around him.

"I- I don't know how," Zuko yelled above the sound of rain smashing into the earth.

"Lighten up, Zuko!" Katara yelled back. "Its not that difficult, just, forget everything and move!" She took hold of his hands and danced. The boy that stood over her followed her movements with a smile on his face. He became lost in the way she moved with him. Katara wrapped her arms around his neck suddenly. "You know what Aang's problem is?" She asked as they danced. "He's incredible in every way." Zuko felt his heart drop. So it was true. She did love him. "But, he's too perfect. You're wild and crazy and just so... frustrating. I like all the breaking down. I like coming undone. Before I met you I never knew that I could feel that much."

"We can't happen. You know that." Zuko reminded her sadly, water dripping down his face. He had thought about it. She had been in his mind since she had lost her necklace on the prison ship. He remembered how he felt when he found it. He remembered how he felt when Jun called her his girlfriend. If it had been any other girl, he would have denied it instantly. But, honestly, he hadn't minded the thought of being with Katara.

Standing on her toes and bringing her face close to his, she whispered; "Why not?"

"Katara, stop. Please. You know that we could never be more than friends. It's going to be hard to be friends. Custom wouldn't- wouldn't allow it." Her closeness was dizzying. Her eyes drew him in. Why did she do this to him when she knew that they would never be together?

"Screw custom!" She kissed him full on the lips. For some reason, she thought his kiss would burn. His lips were warm, his breath held tight in his chest. For a moment, she was alone in the kiss. But he kissed her back, rather deeply.

"Stop." He growled, coming to his sences. He didn't want her to stop; he simply couldn't take the tourture of knowing her kiss any longer.

"No." She breathed. Fingers entwining in his hair, her lips came to his again. She felt his fingertips brush over her ear, his breath on her neck. More rain fell onto her eyelids as she lifted her face to the sky. "Zuko..." she murmured as her knees buckled.

"God, what the Hell are we doing?" Zuko said, pushing away from her. His breath was ragged and his eyes frantic.

"I'm sorry." Katara replied soberly. "I didn't mean.... I just wanted..."

"I have to get you back inside. Come on."

_***&*&*&*&**_

"How did you burn your tongue like that?" Aang asked after Katara refused to eat her supper.

"Blame Zuko." At the clattering of spoons into bowls she corrected herself hastily. "Zuko decided it would be _funny _if he heated my soup up while my back was turned."

"Soup?" Toph repeated.

"Soup." The matter was settled. That is, until later that evening when everyone but Katara and Zuko was asleep.

"Soup?" He asked, not able to hold back a smile.

Rolling her eyes, Katara replied; "Like you could have thought of anything better."

"I'm going to have to heat your soup again sometime."

"Promise?" She asked with a smirk.

"Of course."

_***&*&*&*&**_

**Did that lift your spirits at all?? I thought it was kinda cute. O.o Didja catch where the crying came in? All that water running down thier faces wasn't just rain, my loves. Eeeh. So. Like? Love? Dislike? Hate? What the Hell? HEYY! Guess what! The biggest snow store possibly EVER in our area of good ole PA, no school all week baby!!**

**~She Poe **


	7. Because I Deserve Better

oooooh, an AU. Lets see how this plays out!

**Because I Deserve Better**

_Zuko POV_

Katara and I had been best friends since we were kids. Our friendship was the kind that could withstand anything. Even though we were only seven and nine, both of our lives had already been turned upside down. Her's when her mother passed away, and mine when my mother left. That year we spent hours lying in her back yard, staring up at the sky. We'd tried to count the stars; made pictures in the clouds. We had fallen asleep beside the swingset, and woken up the next morning with her white tabby cat Momo leaping between us. Then, three years ago when my father attacked me and burned my face, she was there for me. She missed school to be with me. Last year, when my father was taken to the loony bin, Katara stayed awake with me, sitting on that same swingset that we had outgrown many years ago. I remember that we didn't say much, but sat in silence and listened to the crickets sing.

Those were good times. Simple and easy to understand. Those were the days before she started dating Jet.

It used to be that she never went a day without talking to me, weather it be over the phone or IM. When she and Jet started going out, her calls would be few and far between. She quit waving in the halls, and didn't even look my way when he was around. She quit putting on her make up- though she didn't need it anyway, it was still strange to see her without it. But the thing that told me something was really wrong; she quit smiling. She became withdrawn from even Suki (the one she was all girly with). Needless to say, I was worried.

It wasn't long before her wordrobe changed too. She used to be all about t-shirts and beads and bracelettes. I think I'm the only one that noticed the long sleeved hoodies and wristbands. At first, I thought she was cutting herself. But Katara wasn't one to do that. She was stronger than that, and I scolded myself for even expecting weakness from her. One morning in homeroom, I caught a glimpse at what she was hiding. She had rested her chin on her palm tiredly, her sleeve falling down past her wrist. Four purple bruises stood out against her skin. I suppose she caught me staring, because she hurridly pulled her sleeve back up. "Its nothing, Zuko." She lied in a whisper. Though her words were calm, her eyes screamed one word. _Jet_.

The day that that happened was the day I swore to put a stop to it.

***&*&*&*&**

I hadn't received a call from Katara in almost two weeks. She had never waited this long in between calls. I kept telling myself that it was nothing; I was just being paranoid. But in my gut I knew that something was wrong.

Rain. The constant drumming of rain on the roof almost lulled me to sleep. The only thing keeping me awake was a copy of S. A. Bodeen's _The Compound. _I was just getting to the good part, where Eli's father tells all, when I heard a soft tapping on the back door. I left the living room where Uncle and I had been sitting quietly and trudged through the kitchen to answer the door. Just as I opened it, Katara, half naked in her bra and a pair of jeans fell into my arms. She was soaked with rain and sobbing uncontrollably. "Uncle!" I yelled as he came into the doorway, "Get a blanket!" I noticed big, purple bruises all over her arms and back.

"I- I didn't know where else to go," she whispered. Though she lived right next door, I knew exactly what she meant. Her father, grandmother and brother would all want to know how this happened. None of them knew about her relationship with Jet. They didn't know that he was violent toward her. They all would have blamed her, even though she was the victim. Uncle Iroh came in then, a thick blanket in one arm. He draped the blanket over her shoulders lightly, and I led her into the living room. She shook violently as I held he in my arms, her dark brown hair falling over her face.

I pushed her hair away from her eyes and took her face in my hands. Wiping away a tear that was slowly trickling down her face, I spoke to her softly. "Did he do this to you?" I already knew the answer, but had to make sure. She took a moment, her eyes searching in mine. Slowly, Katara nodded. Her fingers were wrapped around the edge of the blanket so tightly that her knuckles were white. "Damn it!" I said through my teeth as I pulled her into a hug. I felt my own tears slid down my face. How could anyone hurt her like that? How could they hurt my best friend? How could I let them? Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with guilt. We sat there on the couch, sobbing into each other, while Uncle Iroh clammored around in the kitchen. "You," I started, my face close to her's. "Should probably get cleaned up." Before walking her to the bathroom, I stopped at my room and grabbed one of my old t-shirts -blue, her favorite color.

I dampened a wash cloth in the sink for her and wiped her face off gently. Something flickered over her lips. Something I hadn't seen in a while; her smile. It pulled something in me. I found myself leaning toward her, her eyes round and lips slightly parted. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't kiss her when she was like this. She would brush it off as pity, or just hormones because she was still only half clothed. I pulled my face upward and pressed my lips to her forhead. "Zuko," she said, wrapping her arms around my neck. I tried not to think about how this would look if Uncle Iroh were to walk in.

"Here," I said, handing her my shirt.

She pulled it over her head easily and muttered a quiet "Thank you." Katara sat down on the edge of the bathtub, her face serious. "I need to tell you something. It's very important, but you can't tell anybody." I sat down beside her and held her hand. "Jet made me do things that I didn't want to do. Not tonight, but he tried to. It was about a month ago. After that I tried to break up with him, but he said that if I did he would kill me. You don't know what he's capable of. You'll never know..."

"No," I breathed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hold back my tears. "Katara, no! I should have known. I should have been there to help you."

"Zuko, I'm alright. I'm okay."

"Damn it, Katara! No, you're not! For God's sake, he... he hurt you." Along with the incredible guilt, I also felt unveleivable rage. Anger that of all the other times I had been there, I wasn't there the day... the night that a monster took away her innocence. And then another feeling set in, one that almost made me jump. _I _wanted to be the one that she loved. _I _wanted to be the one that -respectfully- took her innocence. How could I be feeling this way for my best friend? My eyes scanned over her:she was beaten and bruised, yet a tiny smile graced her lips. It was almost as if the girl who had stumbled into my house, soaked through with rain water and tears was gone, and in her place was this strong young woman that sat before me.

"Zuko?" Her voice was soft as she touched my cheek. "Please, don't cry for me." Her fingers lingered on my scar, then something softer came into contact with the red skin around my left eye. She'd kissed my scar. Nobody had even touched my scar. "I've cried more than enough for the both of us. We should get back down stairs." Still in shock, I simply nodded and stood up with her. I felt her hand clasp around mine. We decended the stairs hand-in-hand just like we did when we were kids. And, just like when we were kids, we skipped the third step from the bottom. We never really had a reason why; it was just more fun that way. Uncle was waiting for us in the livingroom, teacup in hand. Katara accepted it with a smile. "Thank you, Uncle Iroh." I watched her sip her tea carefully. Every so often, she would squint her eyes shut and let out a deep breath.

"If you need to cry," I whispered into her ear. "You don't have to hide." She sat her cup down with a clang and rested her head on my shoulder. I listened to her cry softly for amost an hour before her cries faded into soft, short breaths. I couldn't help thinking about all the times we had fallen asleep together when we were kids. On warm summernights we would play flashlight tag, and end up pushing each other onto the ground. The night of her tenth birthday we sat in her tree house, our legs dangling out the door. We talked and laughed just like always, but I had to tell her some bad news; I wasn't able to buy her a birthday present. Kids in our neighborhood had a rule that a kiss didn't count until you were thirteen. So my present to her was a quick kiss on the cheek. That was the last night that we had fallen asleep together. We had gotten too old for that when I turned thirteen. But tonight she fell asleep in my arms, just like back then, and I couldn't help but smile as I drifted off to sleep.

_***&*&*&***_

We woke up to the phone ringing sharply. Katara jumped nervously as she was shocked awake. "It's just the phone," I told her, wiping away the sleep in my eyes. I stood up from the couch to retreive the phone. Checking the caller ID, I handed it to her. "It's your dad."

She took the phone from me and frowned as she answered. "Hello? Yeah, dad, its fine. I stayed over here last night. What? No, no. We haven't talked in a while and I wanted to stop by on my way home from the movies. Well, I left my key in my jacket. I left my jacket at the theater. I'm fine dad. Yes, I know we live right next door but- . I'm on my way." She hung up the phone and sighed. "I have to go. Thank you." She hugged me before heading for the front door. As she reached for the handle she turned back to me. "I don't think you'll get this shirt back."

She always knew how to light up the room, lift the atmosphere. To make people happy even in the worst situations. She deserved better than Jet. She deserved much better.

_***&*&*&***_

**Awe... no kiss? No nothin? AWWWWEE MAAAAN! **

**If you want more Zutarian lovin, ReViEw!!!**


	8. Because I Deserve Better Part II

**AAAHHHH! Go here now to see the most undeniable PROOF that ZUTARA WAS PLANNED! EVER! **.com/watch?v=9eT6rokYTcE&feature=related

Save the best for last- great song

**I can't stop giggling like a little child. Oh I am a happy garden gnome. And hey, did you know Zutara has multiple groups on facebook... if you have an fbook you should join!**

**...**_**So Much**_** Better**

_Zuko POV_

After Katara left that day, I couldn't help but worry for her. She had gone through something so terrible the night before and now she had to go tell her father exactly why she -a teenage girl- slept at my -a teenage boy's- house last night. I could just imagine what it would be like. I hit my forhead; this was going to be interesting. How the hell was I going to explain this to her dad? _"Well, sir, your daughter walked into my house half naked and then I washed her off in the bathroom and let her wear my clothes and then fell asleep with her in my arms. I can assure you that it was all extremely innocent. I didn't even kiss her. Why was she there? Oh, its nothing really, her boyfriend just beats her and sexually abuses her. Not to worry. I got this." _

By three that evening, I was unable to get her out of my head. The sidewalk was covered in runny pools of pink, blue and yellow from the neighbor kids' chalk drawings. For a moment I remembered the summers when she and I would sit cross legged on the sidewalk, scribbling drawings onto the pavement. How we would be so excited when we came outside the next day and they would still be there. I guess we suspected the blackness of night to cover them up. But they were always there; at least until we hosed them away to make new ones. I stepped carefully over one of the puddles of rainwater, almost hesitating. We used to jump into the puddles. Back then, we didn't care if we got water in our shoes or got our clothes dirty. We never cared if we fell down; just laughed and stood back up. And that, I thought, is exactly what Katara had been doing. Every time Jet pushed her down, she stood back up; a little stronger, a little wiser, and she finally had enough sense built up to reach out to someone that she new would care. I was glad that she reached out to me. But still puzzled as to why. Why me? Why not Toph or Suki?

Pondering this lightly, I stepped onto the stepping stone walkway that led straight to the front door of her house. I was fine as I jumped up the stairs, completely normal as I crossed the porch; but then when it came right down to it, just as I moved my hand to knock on the door, I couldn't do it. We had done nothing to be ashamed of, so why did I feel so embarrassed? The door stood menacingly before me, daring me to knock on it. _Just knock on the damn door!_ My mind screamed. I raised my hand to knock on the door again, and just as I did so, a voice spoke out. "She's around back, on the swing set." Sokka said. I turned my head to him swiftly. The self proclaimed "baseball star" was leaning against the side of the house, his arms crossed over the chest of his old navy-blue team hoodie. Nodding a quick thank-you, I stepped around him and made my way to the back of the veranda.

"According to you, I'm stupid and useless I can't do anything right. According to you I'm difficult hard to please forever changing my mind..." Katara sang softly. She was sitting on the yellow swing, the chains twisted above her head, with her feet propped up on one of the support poles. Her eyes were cast down onto the notebook on her lap. "But according to him, I'm beautiful incredible, he can't get me out of his head. According to him I'm funny irresistible, everything he ever wanted..."

"You have no idea," I said before I could stop myself. Things were almost in slow motion as she flung her head up to me and the pen fell from her hand. For some reason, I thought she had headphones in. I guess I was wrong. She smiled timidly and motioned to the swing next to her. Silently, I crossed the yard and sat on the swing beside her. Funny, it was smaller than I remembered. "How've you been?"

"Okay, I guess." Katara's voice was strange. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but something was different about it; almost like she was excited and trying to hold it in.

"You sure?" I asked.

"I guess," she replied, tilting her face away from me.

"You guess?" My hands itched to reach out to her. My arms ached to pull her against me and hold her there so nothing could ever hurt her again. The need to protect her now was overwhelming. Never in my life had I felt that strongly about someone.

"I called the police. They promised not make a scene in front of Sokka or my father. So, I need a ride to the police station after school tomorrow."

"I'll take you," I assured her. She gave me a little smile, then hugged her chest tightly. "Don't ever doubt that you did the right thing." The wind started to blow chillingly. Katara closed the notebook that rested on her lap with a light thud against the wind. With a quiet sigh she stood up from her swing and made her way to the tree at the corner of her yard. I followed her without words, finding her leaning with her shoulder against the bark. This was my chance, I decided as I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, Now or never. Resting my chin on her shoulder I whispered "I love you, Katara."

Her body went ridged. Out of all the ways for her to react, her silence was probably the worst. I didn't know what she was thinking; did she think I was crazy? a creep? a pervert? Rejection, I could have handled. But the silence nearly drove me insane. Anger at myself and sadness that she didn't respond burned together in the dead air around us. Suddenly, she took a shuddering breath in. _Don't cry again. Please don't cry. Not because of me. _"I love you too... I've always loved you."

"What do we do?" I asked, my voice low.

She twisted in my arms, so that now she was facing me. "This," she breathed and kissed my mouth. Her kiss was sweet and chaste, hesitant and lingering. It was like she couldn't decide weather to continue or break away; and I wasn't about to force her either way. Almost as suddenly as she placed her lips on mine, she removed them. There was genuine fear behind the oceans in her eyes.

"Well finally!" A voice shouted. Katara and I turned our heads sharply to the veranda. Sokka stood there with his hands in his hoodie pocket, smiling stupidly. "We only waited like, nine years for this."

"Sokka, how long were you standing there?" I felt Katara's grip on my arm tighten and knew exactly why she was worried. Had he heard her talking about the police?

Sokka laughed. "Long enough to see you plant one on your old friend _Zuzu_, there." _ Wow_, I thought briefly. _Really? Sokka is so amused that his sister kissed me. That's nice. _"Hey, to each his own, right?" With a deep breath, Sokka looked at his watch. "Well, I'm going to leave you two lovebirds alone. It's about time for practice." We both watched as he opened the door and entered the house. _Finally_, my mind sighed.

In her brother's absence, Katara loosened her grip on me. "I'm scared," she murmured. A gentle springtime breeze blew in my face, bringing her lilac-scented perfume with it. The whole conversation after that seemed somewhat distant strange.

"Of what?" I replied, my eyes squinting in concern.

"Jet."

I pulled her close to me again, letting her rest her forehead on my shoulder. With one word she brought back all of the anger and hatred that I felt toward him. She had reminded me of how much I needed to be there to protect her. With a single word, she brought silent tears to my eyes. I'm man enough to admit that I cried. I cried because I was so stupid and because I didn't help her. "He can't hurt you. Not anymore," I swore quietly with my voice trembling. This was how things were meant to be; she and I together. And they would be like that from now on.

*************

**Yus. Best friend Zutara turns into more than friends Zutara! :)**

**Liked it? Didn't like it? Angry because it took me a zillion years to update?? **

**Review and tell me please!**

**~She Poe**


	9. But Don't Be Sad

**But Don't Be Sad**

_I wish I could have stayed_

_To wake you in the morn'_

_I wish I could have been there_

_To always keep you warm_

_I don't want to forget_

_The supposed love we had_

_So cry for me my love,_

_But please, love, don't be sad._

What they were doing was wrong, and she knew that. Every night as she lay beside him, she would tell herself all of the things that could go wrong. One by one, the list would grow. She'd dreaded one of them finding out. But with one look, one word, one touch, all of those things that could go wrong, disappeared. Most days, she wished that they didn't have to hide like this. Most days she wished that she could just kiss him when ever she wanted to. The only thing that kept her from completely breaking down was her daughter. Her beautiful baby girl. That child was her life. That child belonged to him. Aang knew. Aang had always known that little Kianna wasn't his. Katara had been little more than eighteen years old when the baby was conceived. Aang was out of town; she was weak; and _he_ was there. It had started four years before, in that teashop in Ba Sing Se. When she kissed Aang, she wanted so badly to feel something. But she didn't. That day replayed in her mind:

_She left the balcony in tears, passing swiftly by the odd cluster of people. Was she truly unable to feel love? Was it because she had been numbed by war? All of these thoughts rushed through her mind as she sat in the back of the teashop with her face turned away from the group of people. She heard someone coming behind her and tried to dry her face. "Here," a gentle voice said as familiar hands handed her a warm cup of tea. She looked up at his face to find a strange expression, one that she hadn't seen him wear. "Can we talk?" She'd nodded. That's what friends do, right? He took a seat across from her, then, looking past her to the group of people, he added in a whisper: "We could go out into the garden. If you don't want them to hear." She nodded again, her mind recoiling into itself. _

_The garden was beautiful. Small, graceful trees with pink blossoms lined the stone walkway that led to a bubbling fountain. He took her to the fountain and sat with her on the edge. "I'm scared, Zuko," she admitted. "I thought that- What if I can't love? What if I can't love someone? When I'm with Aang, I'm just so numb. Its like there's nothing there."_

"_You love. Don't ever doubt that you can love. I've seen the love in your eyes." He grasped her hand tightly. His grip didn't hurt, his hand was warm, but not hot. After that, something in his voice changed. "Maybe... maybe Aang isn't the one. Maybe you don't love him the way you think you do."_

"_That's like me saying that maybe you don't love Mai the way you think you do. I have to love Aang. I have to be in love with Aang. The same way you have to be in love with Mai."_

"_What makes you think you have to be in love with Aang?" He squeezed her hand slightly._

_Angrily, she flicked her eyes up to his. "If not Aang," she whispered slowly. "Then who? You? Should I love you?" Should she love him? Should she have felt that strange little tingle when he held her hand? Should she be considering this? No, no no. Her answer was no. They would never... they could never._

"_Do you?" He whispered in return, the grip he held on her loosening. "Love me, I mean?"_

_Now, she couldn't even look at him. "The right answer's no, isn't it?" _

"_Katara?" She needed to know: Could she feel? She pressed her lips clumsily to his, and suddenly, she couldn't help herself. His kiss was so warm, so inviting. It made her feel something... like she couldn't get enough. She felt his hands pressing on her back, she could feel his temperature rising. She came away from him wide-eyed and more confused than she had ever been in her life. "Don't ever doubt that you can love, Katara," Zuko whispered. He kissed her lips sweetly, lightly._

"_Zuko, they can never know."_

She always left before he woke up. Or at least he pretended to sleep while she escaped to her room. A whole year and they still did this; they still sneaked around in the night. Katara laid back on the pillow, her eyes closed in memory. The night that Kianna was conceived was the only time they woke up next to each other. It had been the first night they spent together. They learned soon though, that they would have to be more careful. A whole year had passed since then, but it was still fresh in her mind.

_Her relationship with Aang was falling apart. He was never home anymore. She should have seen this coming. They had both been pretending for three years that they were happy. They told the others that things were going great, and when asked why they weren't engaged or married yet, they simply said that they weren't ready for that. Lies can only go so far before they start to hurt people; that's the trouble with lying to yourself. _

_Aang had been the one to suggest she stayed in the Fire Nation while he visited the Earth kingdom. He told her that it would be an excellent opportunity to catch up with Zuko. _He didn't know... t_hat was all she could think._ He didn't know that Zuko and I kissed. He doesn't know that I felt more... I hope he never knows. _ She would never forget the sensation she felt when she stepped off the ship and saw him again; It was like she was falling, and when he hugged her tightly in his arms, he caught her- And now she was safe in his arms and nothing could change that... right? Suddenly, she heard Aang's voice and jumped away from the firelord. "Bye, Katara," Aang yelled from the ship. _

"_Goodbye, Aang," she had yelled back. She watched him sail away, her heart beating steadily. Then she turned back to Zuko and her heart skipped a beat. Looking into his eyes, she murmured;"Hello."_

_A smile spread over his lips. "Hello." He pulled her into another hug, "I missed you."_

_She was crying again. Thinking about her feelings toward Aang was so painful. Her hands covered her face, shielding her eyes from the red fabric all around her. The red made her think of betraying Aang's trust. She couldn't help that her mind kept drifting to unladylike thoughts about the Firelord. If she could stop all of the feelings she had for him, she would. Every time she opened her eyes to try and sober up, she would see the red and her mind would start wondering again. "Stop it!" She had cursed herself multiple times, her fingernails pressing so hard into her skin that little scars were appearing on her arms._

_Someone sat on the bed beside her, but she was too upset to care. Strong, warm arms pulled her to a solid chest, and a familiar heartbeat filled her ears. For countless hours she cried, and he was there to comfort her. She felt fingers stroking her hair gently, she felt that same warm tingle spread through her. He was doing it to her again; making her feel weak, like she needed him. And the worst part was, he didn't even have to try. _

_Finally, she forced herself to look into his face. His eyes were glassy, but she couldn't see where tears had fallen. He wiped away one of the many tears that were leaving tracks down her face. His touch made her skin prickle, and the feeling of his lips on her own turned her body to fire. She kissed him back hungrily. Her hands tangled his hair (which he decided to keep short... she didn't mind though, she liked it better short anyway). I'm eighteen now, she thought, I can do this if I want to. With that thought, she surrendered herself to him. _

_In the morning, she woke up in his arms, happy to be there. It was past daybreak, but he was still asleep. Her eyes followed the slope of his nose down to the curve of his lips. She smiled as she turned over and buried her face into his chest. _

_Days later, Aang came back and they had to return to the south pole. Katara was pregnant. _

"_She's Zuko's, isn't she?" Aang asked, staring at the baby that Katara held in her arms. They had brought her to the Fire Nation when the signs of her pregnancy began to show, it was safer that way._

"_Aang, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean for this to happen."_

"_When?"_

"_A few days before you got back. I've been trying for so long to make us work, Aang. But we can't- its not fair to starve ourselves this way. I know that there's something going on with Toph. That's why you go to the Earth Kingdom so much. And I understand why you haven't broken things off with me yet. Because you're the Avatar. And after four years, that's not a good example to set."_

"_She's beautiful, your baby. Her father probably wants to see her."_

_She hated it when he changed the subject. But, he didn't know that she hadn't told Zuko about her pregnancy. "He doesn't know." She watched Aang's eyes widen. "I know, it was bad decision... Aang, I'll tell him. I'll tell him the moment he walks through that door. I promise. Just go get him and I'll tell him!"_

"_Tell him what?" The sound of Zuko's voice had made her flinch. He'd made his way to her side, and with a sad look, Aang left the room. "She's so beautiful, Katara." Zuko'd said, staring into the baby's face, then it's mother's. "i promise," he had whispered to the baby. "I'll never let anyone hurt you. The same goes for you..." He added, his eyes now focused on Katara. "What's wrong?"_

"_Touch her," Katara said timidly. Silently, Zuko caressed the baby's face with his index finger. She saw his eyes soften, like he was going to cry. _

_He bowed his head, and quiet tears started falling from his eyes. After a few moments of deafening silence, Zuko raised his face and pulled himself together. _

Kianna woke Katara from her memories. Sitting up, Katara sighed; Kianna had been sick all week, and that meant little or no sleep for Mama. "Hi baby girl," Katara said quietly as she picked up the baby. She held the infant safely to her chest, murmuring to her. "It's okay Kianna. Mama's here." It seemed like a long time, but eventually, the baby's crying faded into soft, even breaths. "There," she said, pulling the baby away from her and laying her back in the crib. Kianna looked up at her with big, golden eyes. "You want your daddy, don't you?" With a little smile, she picked her child up again and padded across the hall with the baby in her arms. Quietly, she knocked on the door with the poor creature in her arms whimpering helplessly.

The door opened to a tired looking Zuko, his face clouded with sleep, his silk sleep pants the only stitch of clothing on him. "Hey, what's wrong, little one?" He asked in a whisper as he took his daughter from it's mother's arms. "You still not feeling well, love? Its alright, daddy's gotcha." He rocked little Kianna so that she would stop the whimpering. A happy coo came from the baby's mouth.

A smile broke over Katara's face. Zuko's patience with children never ceased to amaze her. "You're so good with her."

"That's cos I'm her father. And I love her." He wrapped his free arm around Katara's waist, pulling her against him. "I love both of you..."

"I just wish that we could make things easier for her. It's not fair for her to live like this." Burying her face in his shoulder, she let out a few silent tears. "I'm sorry, Ki. You shouldn't see your mama cry like this." She held out a finger to her child, her head still resting on her lover's chest. "I wish... I wish your people would accept me as their Firelady. Then all of this wouldn't be a problem."

"It's not that they wouldn't accept you. It's just that you and Aang-"

"Have to be together. I know. But he's never here! And what kind of an Avatar has a girlfriend and goes to the Earth Kingdom to fool around with..."

"You're getting upset," Zuko muttered, rubbing his hand along her back. "Calm down, we'll figure this out. We'll make a good life for her."

Though his words were comforting, she couldn't help but be angered by them at well. "How! Huh? How can we make a good life for her if she doesn't even know that her father is the Firelord? How can we make a good life for her if we raise her with lies? She'll grow up twisted and confused and alone!"

"I can propose it to the counsel tomorrow. All that matters to me is you, and Kianna, and keeping you both safe. Anything else isn't nearly as important."

"You know what would happen if you did! They would tear her from our arms! She's the only baby I have, and I won't lose her. I won't!" It was illegal in every nation -especially in the Fire Nation and Water Tribes- for a woman to have a man's child unless she was his wife. Sexual relationships were forbidden until marriage. Any woman (or girl for that matter) accused of consummating love with a man that was not her husband, would be thrown in jail; or worse, if a child was involved, the child would be taken away. "I can't let them take her! Zuko I will not let them take my baby from me!"

"They could make an exception..."

"I don't want an exception!" At the sharpness of Katara's voice, the baby shrieked loudly, bringing new tears to her mother's eyes. "I'm sorry. Hush."

"I'll put her to bed. Then we can talk," the Firelord assured her. Zuko crossed the hall silently, and placed Kianna in her crib. "You be good now. Your mama's having a tough time." The baby's curious stare fell on her father and she made a quiet gurgling sound. "I'll take that as an 'I understand'? Now, I'm going to go talk to your mother, is that alright?" With a smile fixed on his face, he made his way out of her room and into his own. He closed the door quietly behind him.

There was a silent moment between the two of them; it was ended tearfully as Katara wrapped her arms around him and she stifled a sob against his shoulder. "It's just not fair."

"I know," Zuko muttered, lowering his lips to kiss the top of her head. "We have no choice. We have to tell the counsel that Kianna's my baby."

"The reason I haven't been home in the last year is because I don't want my baby taken away. If they find out she has Fire Nation blood running through her veins, they'll rob us of her. At least with people thinking she's Aang's baby, there's not going to be any trouble unless I go home. Right?"

"We'll fight for her."

"I trust you, Zuko. You have to do the right thing. But if they threaten to take her away, _I_ will take her and runaway and you will never see either of us again. I can promise you that."

"I'll do everything I can."


	10. But Don't Be Sad Part II

Hey guys, so I missed school today and really had nothing to do. And I'm being really stupid and not writing for RitML (which I realllllly should be)

Lemme clear some things up. Everything that is in regular print is kinda like a flash back type thing to clear up the things in the letter (which is written in italics). If there are any issues understanding whats going on, please do tell me in a review. And lemme remind you that this is part TWO, so if you don't read the first part, you may not know what's going on.

**But Don't Be Sad**

_I wish you could have stayed_

_To wake me in the morn_

_I wish you could be here _

_To always keep me warm_

_I'll never forget the supposed love we had_

_So I'll cry for you my love,_

_But know, love I'm not sad_

_**Part II**_

_Zuko,_

_Kianna just said her first word. Do you know what she said? She said Dada. I know she misses you. I know you miss her. I'm sorry that I had to take her away, but after the counsel refused to allow us to keep her, I just couldn't sit by and let them rip her out of our hands. I wish I could tell you where we were, but in case this letter gets read by anyone other than you, well, I just don't want to risk it. Good thing no one can speak messenger hawk. I love you._

_~Katara_

It was dark outside. Katara pulled on a long, dark cloak and gathered her hair into the hood. This was the hardest decision she'd ever had to make. Her blue eyes skittered around the room, trying to absorb every feature of the place she once-briefly-called home. That afternoon, Zuko had told the counsel that Kianna, Katara's beautiful baby girl was not Aang's, but his own. And now that they knew that Kianna had both Water Tribe and Firenation blood running through her veins, they had no choice but to take her away. Children of unmarried parents were considered filthy, unclean, impure in both nations (when people thought that Kianna was Aang's child, they could do nothing, that is, unless Katara went back home to the southern water tribe and took the baby with her). Zuko came into her room then, holding Kianna in his arms. He'd been crying. He handed Katara the baby, which she wrapped snuggly in a blanket and strapped into the papoose she had brought with her when she came to the Firenation. "I'll write you," she whispered, meeting his eyes. He kissed her lips fervently without saying a word. Then, she took their baby and left.

_Zuko,_

_She's walking now. I still don't know if she's a bender. People here have been asking about her father, if I was married and how I ended up here. I told them that her father died before she was born. That I moved here out of grief and am trying to forget about it. I'm so sorry. I love you._

_~Katara_

Katara and Kianna settled into a small Earthkingdom village. Life was good for them there. She had a steady job from her home, healing any travelers going by that had sprained an ankle or scraped an elbow (she'd even delivered a baby once). Now that Kianna was walking, Katara could go places more easily, and to her chagrin, take Kianna with her. Along with the convenience, came the inconvenience (of course) of Kianna wearing out most of her clothes and shoes. Katara couldn't say how much she had spent on clothes for the baby, but she was grateful when Zuko had sent her a letter for her birthday, along with a hundred dollars worth of Firenation money (which was almost twice as much in Earthkingdom money). She'd received letters from Zuko almost weekly and wrote back just as often, sending her love and very rarely a miniature portrait of herself and the baby.

_Zuko,_

_Kianna's a waterbender. I found her playing with the water in one of the flower pots. She's only four, so I don't think she knows what she's doing yet, but isn't it great? Thank you for the money you sent for her birthday. You know you don't have to do that. We're doing fine by ourselves. _

_~Katara_

Kianna had always admired her mother. She'd been living by herself with a small child since Kianna was just a little baby. Kianna's father had died from disease before she was born, and her mother had moved away from the Water Tribes when she was eighteen. When she asked what her father was like, her mother would just sigh and start writing again. She _always_ did that! And it always annoyed Kianna so much! And now that she was fifteen going on sixteen, Kianna began asking more and more about her father; who he was, what he was like, what he looked like, because if she was to marry, she felt she had the rite to know these things.

_Zuko,_

_Kianna's been asking about you almost daily now. She's of age in a few months and she should know who you are. I'm bringing her home._

_~Katara_

"Where are we going!" Kianna demanded, pulling on a robe. Today was her birthday... _her sixteenth birthday_!... and her mother was waking her up at a god awful hour of the morning telling her that they were going on a trip. "Mother!" It was just like her mother to uproot everything and then not tell her why. But nevertheless, Kianna behaved with little whining and traveled with her mother all the way to the Firenation. Funny, she thought, her mother had always taught her that the Firenation was the victim of a harsh Lord (but she always stressed the _WAS_. She assured Kianna that the newest Firelord, Zuko, was his name?, was kind and respectful and would be a loving father.) Her mother had been friends with both the Avatar and the Firelord, and for some reason, left all of that fame behind. As they came upon the Palace, something in the back of Kianna's mind twitched. It wasn't quite a memory, maybe a dream or a story come to life.

Their carriage came to a halt in front of the palace. Another itch in the back of her brain. A man, probably about her mother's age, was standing in front of the palace, an ugly, yet familiar scar spread over his left eye. Kianna slung her rucksack over her shoulder and slid out of the carriage. She noticed a quick glance between her mother and the man she assumed was the Firelord. "Kianna?" She heard the man say. A chill went through her when she heard his voice. Why was he so familiar?

"Ki," now her mother was talking to her. "This is Firelord Zuko. He's a really good friend of mine. When we were younger, we made a mistake...And it was the most beautiful mistake anyone could make. We had a baby. You."

"What? Mom? What are you talking about? You said dad was dead."

Katara sighed. "I know, honey, but-" She took a step toward her daughter, but Kianna backed away quickly.

"No... get away from me! How could you lie to me?" Kianna dropped her bag on the marble floor and hid her face (she didn't cry. Ever.). How could her mother, the one person that she had known her whole life, lie to her about something as important as the life of her father?

"They were going to take you away from us," the man-her father-explained. "We would rather you grow up without me than grow up as someone's slave. Please, Kianna, don't cry. We really didn't mean for it to hurt this bad."

Kianna sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. "You're really my father?" She said to the man. The man nodded, and approached her slowly, a cautious look in his eyes. Slowly, reality settled into Kianna's mind; she had a family, a father, a home where she belonged. "Dad!" she whispered, falling into her father's hug. From then on, everything was different.

_My dearest Kya,_

_I suppose that since you're reading this, you've never met me, and for that I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you somethings now that you're sixteen. When I was your age, I had just met my father. I hope that you and your father have grown close in my absence. Please be good to him and treat him well. I know things have been hard without me, because I grew up with only one parent too. My mother did her best to raise me right, and even though I didn't know that I was a princess, I still respected myself. You should always respect yourself, daughter. No matter who you marry, whether its arranged or out of love, you must be grateful. I knew your father, and I loved and trusted him very much. I know that if the decision is up to him, you will marry a man that is just as great for you as he was for me. Powerful love runs in our blood, Kya. My mother loved my father so much that they were able to pick up where they left off after sixteen long years. And I love your father so much that I am willing to do anything for him... and he for me. But the one love that was stronger than that of our parents, is the bond between mother and daughter. Your great grandmother left your grandma a necklace when she died. My mother gave me that necklace when she and my father were married. And now that you are sixteen, I want to pass it down to you. Its okay if you cry. But just don't be sad. _

_Happy Birthday_

_~Your Mother, Kianna_

Kianna read over the letter that she had written during the last month of her pregnancy. The paper had since yellowed and wrinkled. Had she really planned on the possibility of dying? With a smile, she crumpled the paper in her hands and tossed it into the fireplace. Her eyes fell on the old wooden box that had been passed down through her family for three generations now. She took the box in her hands, carefully fingering the intricate carvings and thinking about the prized possession that laid inside. Tonight after supper, she will give it to her daughter, but until then, it was her's.

**So... whaddya think?**

**~She Poe**


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